We all have people in our lives that we believe have ‘done wrong to us’, and as a consequence, we unconsciously become attached to the old story and pain. We adopt beliefs about ourselves, the world and others, through a heightened repeated stress response or through early childhood, that keep these stories running via the subconscious mind, keeping us attached to our pain. Occasionally I see clients who wish to remain attached to their story, a helplessness or victimhood, but most of the time, the large majority of people want freedom yet don’t know ‘how’ to acquire it. Moving beyond the stories and suffering, means detaching and choosing love.
Our experiences shape us; they don’t need to define us
First we must come to identify with the self that is perfect, whole and not in need of healing. This helps us to truly understand that we are not our stories, our beliefs, our emotions or a victim of our past. It is easy for us to construct an identity based upon our experiences. Our experiences do shape us, but they do not need to define us. All experience, enables growth if we choose to move beyond perceived limitation into a heart opening compassionate acceptance of what is.
We are all doing our best
Second, we can adopt the premise that we are all doing our best, given our level of awareness and our personal conditioning. We are all capable of hurting others and it is a hurt person that hurts another. If we think about our own capacity to be hurtful, this is expressed because of the pain that we are carrying. We either perceive events through our own distorted belief systems, or we are busy trying to not feel our pain or limitation, and so externalise it upon another. Have you ever had that brief moment of relief when you see your own expression (or pain) hurting another? It is short lived, either guilt and self-loathing arise, or the other person hurts you back and the heart-walls, defences and mistrust build; making honest, open and loving relationships difficult. We are all part of the collective consciousness and everyone carries wounds. It is our responsibility (and here is where freedom lies therein) to heal our wounds. When we stop looking outward to blaming others for our experiences and suffering, then we can draw a line in the sand and do our inner work to freedom. While ever we are blaming others, or doing ‘victimhood’, we are giving our wellbeing and happiness away to others, or to circumstance. This gives our power away.
Begin to heal
Once we take responsibility for our distortions, feelings and circumstance, we can start to heal and become empowered creators of our own truth and reality. Belief change is my preferred go-to, as the subconscious belief programs run the show, informing our perceptions and behaviours 95% of the time. There is a powerful forgiveness protocol in the Healing InSight method, but in addition, I wanted to acknowledge the power of the simple Hawaiian healing tool Ho’oponopono. This is a simple powerful healing practice, that demonstrated through research, brings peace of heart and mind in self and others, assisting in detachment from painful relationships. The traditional practice, created by Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, suggests repetition in focused mindful meditation of the following four statements: – I’m Sorry – (Repentance)
– Please Forgive Me – (Forgiveness)
– Thank You – (Gratitude)
– I Love You – (Love)
We need not hold the person in mind, or speak directly to them in our minds. Doing our inner work and engaging with the vibration of the above words and sentiments. This works on the premise that all of life is a reflection of our inner world, when we make peace inwardly, then the outer world reflection, is also peaceful. To be liberated from our stories, we liberate ourselves from the inside out. That said, holding an intention to bring healing to a particular person or relationship should go some way to achieving that. Repeat these four statements, with meaning and feeling, as a sacred practice for 9 or 18 minutes, daily for 9 days (as a guide).
Blessings of light, love and freedom, Nikki x